emo emo emo~ everyday emo~
most emo coz 0 sales today~ n it freaking 830 liao~
zzz~ haiz.... damn jialat...
y do i always fail in things when i really try my very best to do it..
i go pray n joss stick burn my thumb..
till now the blister is still there... so wat am i suppose to do...
i'm such a failure in my life...
fail in r/s, work, life...
juz fail in everything...

things happen r juz not to wat i expected..... wat can i do..
srsly... i dun mean i need all things to be perfect..
but juz wan at afew things to be..
like during work...
andrew help me alot...
the most i can do in return favour is by helping him do well in shop~
but it seems i cant even do a simple job like tt...
haiz...
wat am i?
plus currently..
gerald stuff...
make my mind a mess....
i dunno wat i am doing..
wat i am thinking..
but things juz cant get out of my head..
i wish to stop..
but i juz cant......
small things can caused me emo~
but i hate ppl seeing me in this way...
i always cover wif a smiling face n laughter...
no 1 would ever find out my real n actual feelings..
not even my closest fren~
none~

due to wat happen during the years..
my heart tend to shut up...
i cant trust a person fully.....
i cant~~~


haiz... gerald wrote on my wall~
telling me we gt a huge misunderstanding..
y now than bother to explain..
n y not explain at tt point of time...
y i muz go thru the pain and ended it...
than come n explain to me?
wat am i to u?
mayb juz a normal fren~
but to me...
at tt point of time...
U R MY EVERYTHING~
mayb i nv tel u~ but idk wat u did also..
tt make me so upset tt i juz cut everything out..
oh well~ it ALL over..
past...
it alr 2 3 yrs..
Y NOW THAN BOTHER TO SAY SOMETHING!
u choose to vanish~
choose to disappear~
y bother to come back now?

oh well~ i DUN wanna give a damn to u anymore....
anyway~ i dun even remb wat had happen...
i only i was damn upset...
anyway~ mayb i shld forgive him...
idk...
this question been inside my mind n heart for damn long...
and for fang too~

as for fang...
i remb...
someday i knew sze hui~
she's a butch...
yes....
somehow i juz like her...
everyday ask her go smoke...
find chance to see her...
1 day i told fang abt it..
we r very close fren at tt point of time...
anyway~
than i told her abt it...
aft sometimes.....
both of them were tgt....
this hit me real bad....
was actually 1 of the reason y i cant trust ppl anymore...
haiz...
she din even told me anything....
n they juz tgt..
mayb i was childish~
but.... i always thot we r besties tt we could any secrets....
but... i guess i'm wrong.... i was the last to knew everything...
i think r/s thing cannot force...
but i am not tt unreasonable..
if u tel me...
i would give u my blessing...
i always feel frenship > r/s~
but... i think u dun trust me well enuf...
so... things bcum like tt...
haiz...

aft so many yrs...
i was thinking if i shld throw things behind~
n accpet all again~
i gain alot frenz~
most also turn to be my besties...
but i also lost alot of frenz~
which is also once my besties...

in the past...
i throw 100% heart to my besties..
which mean~
i trust them fully with my whole heart...
tell them everything...
but wat do i get in the end...
nth but betray~
i hate this....

so now...
all my besties i only trust them < 50%~
sryy~ but i really cant do it...
i cant share everything...
things i cant say out..
really dunno how to say out..
i really fail~
such a failure....
haiz......
sry guys.. if i disappoint u~
but i am trying my best~
to gain back the ability to trust ppl~
it not i dun wan~
i noe some of u i really can put my 100% trust in it....
i would try~ really~



anyway~ still no ppl~
i guess pack up early...
sunday come back than chiong more for andrew.....
i really feel damn no face...
haizzz~ bb all~